9.30.2003
9.29.2003
OK, maybe I jumped the gun a little. He and I will be discussing our "separation" this weekend and we'll be having a heart to heart, face to face (novel idea, since we've been on different continents for almost three years). At least, my mind is more balanced than it was two nights ago. I still feel very "grey street." <--random DMB reference
9.28.2003
Nothing like getting dumped to ruin a weekend. And make you reassess the last 4+ years. Now I feel very low, stupid, ugly, and hopeless. Obviously, my theory of patience and low-maintenance in a relationship was a load of crap and completely ineffective. Will I ever find a man who loves me enough to make space in his life for me?
9.23.2003
Want to empty head.
I don't know what jump-started my allergies, but my head is now about 10 pounds heavier, my ears keep popping, and I had to prop myself up to breath last night. Sucks.
And to top it off, while everyone else in my office gets a day off, due to lack of power/telephone/computer, my team of hard working crazy people set up a meeting where there is power and computers to talk about the budget. As if that's important.
Argh.
I don't know what jump-started my allergies, but my head is now about 10 pounds heavier, my ears keep popping, and I had to prop myself up to breath last night. Sucks.
And to top it off, while everyone else in my office gets a day off, due to lack of power/telephone/computer, my team of hard working crazy people set up a meeting where there is power and computers to talk about the budget. As if that's important.
Argh.
9.20.2003
Someone's been reminding me to update my blog.
Umm...hurricane. Have other things on my mind like life, falling trees, and leaky roofs.
Luckily, my paranoid must-prepare-in-case-of-nuclear-fallout skills came into play and only had to buy 2 gallons of emergency drinking water and peanut butter, otherwise I was set. And I still got the condescending smirk from beer and pork product buyers in local grocery store. Oh, go play in the 7-10 foot surge and die, supercilious bastards.
Anywho, everything turned out OK, just a little water damage and a little guilt for being in the 10% of the city that has power. And for disregarding water conservation (ignorance of the law is no excuse, I know) and doing laundry (towels and blankets that prevented more water damage, I swear). At least I was a good citizen and raked the leaves and tree branches out of the gutters.
Umm...hurricane. Have other things on my mind like life, falling trees, and leaky roofs.
Luckily, my paranoid must-prepare-in-case-of-nuclear-fallout skills came into play and only had to buy 2 gallons of emergency drinking water and peanut butter, otherwise I was set. And I still got the condescending smirk from beer and pork product buyers in local grocery store. Oh, go play in the 7-10 foot surge and die, supercilious bastards.
Anywho, everything turned out OK, just a little water damage and a little guilt for being in the 10% of the city that has power. And for disregarding water conservation (ignorance of the law is no excuse, I know) and doing laundry (towels and blankets that prevented more water damage, I swear). At least I was a good citizen and raked the leaves and tree branches out of the gutters.
9.11.2003
Interesting. I remembered someone once mentioning that if you had a "dropping d" in your handwriting, it was a sign of crazed asocial freak and/or serial killer. Noticed today that my handwriting had a lot of these d's, but hey, I am at work. I admit to understanding how someone can go berserk and start shooting. I, afterall, did you to law school (and yes, lawyers are crazy. If they like law too much, they're crazy; if they hate it but still went to law school, they're crazy. I fall into the second category.)
So, I found this interesting handwriting analysis self-test.
Some tidbits:
"Others, beware... you checked that the letter 'k' in the words 'monkey' or 'make', were larger than the other letters in the words. This is known as the 'go to hell K'. It signifies defiance and resistance to authority. You resent being told what to do and were probably a very rebellious teenager. Entrepreneurs, class clowns, and criminals often have excessive defiance... channel your rebellion carefully!"
"Concerning the letter slant of your sample (slant reveals emotional outlay)... you chose 'Vertical'. You use logical sound judgments to make decisions. You\re ruled by your head, not your heart. You tend to be cool, calm and collected and are good under pressure. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, you have poise. Some may see you as 'detached' or 'unemotional'. It's not that you don't feel emotions, you just have more discernment when and with whom you express your inner most feelings. You keep them inside longer than most people do. (If your writing is very large you can be very social, friendly and talkative, but still emotionally logical.) The first time someone makes you mad, you probably won't say anything. But, you'll mentally put a mark on the wall and keep your mouth shut until they piss you off again and again. Then, BOOM! You'll explode, all that pent-up anger comes pouring out! And, you won't feel any regret at all, because you know they deserved it."
"You love to give your opinion on anything. As a matter of fact, you volunteer your opinion even when it isn't asked for. Because you can't stop the flow of talking, people may refer to you as 'motor-mouth'. You often talk just to hear yourself talk. If you do decide to marry, you might consider someone who's stone deaf."
Well, not psycho, but pretty nasty. Hmmm, must change handwriting.
So, I found this interesting handwriting analysis self-test.
Some tidbits:
"Others, beware... you checked that the letter 'k' in the words 'monkey' or 'make', were larger than the other letters in the words. This is known as the 'go to hell K'. It signifies defiance and resistance to authority. You resent being told what to do and were probably a very rebellious teenager. Entrepreneurs, class clowns, and criminals often have excessive defiance... channel your rebellion carefully!"
"Concerning the letter slant of your sample (slant reveals emotional outlay)... you chose 'Vertical'. You use logical sound judgments to make decisions. You\re ruled by your head, not your heart. You tend to be cool, calm and collected and are good under pressure. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, you have poise. Some may see you as 'detached' or 'unemotional'. It's not that you don't feel emotions, you just have more discernment when and with whom you express your inner most feelings. You keep them inside longer than most people do. (If your writing is very large you can be very social, friendly and talkative, but still emotionally logical.) The first time someone makes you mad, you probably won't say anything. But, you'll mentally put a mark on the wall and keep your mouth shut until they piss you off again and again. Then, BOOM! You'll explode, all that pent-up anger comes pouring out! And, you won't feel any regret at all, because you know they deserved it."
"You love to give your opinion on anything. As a matter of fact, you volunteer your opinion even when it isn't asked for. Because you can't stop the flow of talking, people may refer to you as 'motor-mouth'. You often talk just to hear yourself talk. If you do decide to marry, you might consider someone who's stone deaf."
Well, not psycho, but pretty nasty. Hmmm, must change handwriting.
9.09.2003
Must face the inevitable.
Evaluating oneself is an exercise of pain. Most people would be naturally boastful, but have been beaten by society into humility. Our social conscious is to know that we are great, but be repressed or guilted into not feeling or expressing that, because we should be miserable and lowly. In the end, we then bypass our pride for a more palatable self-loathing.
Why the philosophical bent? The paradox of a "self-assessment." The self-assessment is my evaluation of my work and improvements for the year to be used by my bosses for possibility of a raise. With that simple definition, the more I brag about my accomplishments, the better my chances at getting a raise. The difficulty is that we all have been trained by the world that humility is good and bragging is bad. So, to be a good human, and to be a well-paid human, I need the complicated correct mix of kicking and kissing ass.
We have also had mandatory training on how to write a self-assessment. From what I gleaned, my assessment should have a tone of "I do everything without a single complaint" and "I could be doing better than this shit." Very tricky.
Evaluating oneself is an exercise of pain. Most people would be naturally boastful, but have been beaten by society into humility. Our social conscious is to know that we are great, but be repressed or guilted into not feeling or expressing that, because we should be miserable and lowly. In the end, we then bypass our pride for a more palatable self-loathing.
Why the philosophical bent? The paradox of a "self-assessment." The self-assessment is my evaluation of my work and improvements for the year to be used by my bosses for possibility of a raise. With that simple definition, the more I brag about my accomplishments, the better my chances at getting a raise. The difficulty is that we all have been trained by the world that humility is good and bragging is bad. So, to be a good human, and to be a well-paid human, I need the complicated correct mix of kicking and kissing ass.
We have also had mandatory training on how to write a self-assessment. From what I gleaned, my assessment should have a tone of "I do everything without a single complaint" and "I could be doing better than this shit." Very tricky.
9.08.2003
On the French.
"And so it goes throughout the day. The French people are open, not suspicious. They are self-deprecating, not arrogant. They are almost gallant in their treatment of a stranger. They are defying stereotype.
They are being contrarian. How damnably French of them.
When I am inwardly troubled, I often consult the dead. And so, toward day's end I find myself shuffling alone through historic Montparnasse Cemetery, contemplating the puzzlement that is France. How can I explain this in Tocquevillian terms? The whole country seems paradoxical. The French do not spend money on air conditioning -- in mid-July, Paris is a sweatbox, indoors and out -- yet their underground parking garages pipe in classical music. They are famously resistant to American cultural influences, yet "Charlie's Angels" is their current big movie, and in the subways Hulk Hogan sells Internet service. The French are famously artistic and creative, yet, by indisputable evidence on the radio, they still haven't figured out how to write a competent rock song."
The whole schbang.
"And so it goes throughout the day. The French people are open, not suspicious. They are self-deprecating, not arrogant. They are almost gallant in their treatment of a stranger. They are defying stereotype.
They are being contrarian. How damnably French of them.
When I am inwardly troubled, I often consult the dead. And so, toward day's end I find myself shuffling alone through historic Montparnasse Cemetery, contemplating the puzzlement that is France. How can I explain this in Tocquevillian terms? The whole country seems paradoxical. The French do not spend money on air conditioning -- in mid-July, Paris is a sweatbox, indoors and out -- yet their underground parking garages pipe in classical music. They are famously resistant to American cultural influences, yet "Charlie's Angels" is their current big movie, and in the subways Hulk Hogan sells Internet service. The French are famously artistic and creative, yet, by indisputable evidence on the radio, they still haven't figured out how to write a competent rock song."
The whole schbang.
9.04.2003
Since I'm on the eye-candy vibe....
Just re-watched Desperado, in preparation for Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Have once again proclaimed Antonio Banderas the hottest man alive.
As one of my good friends said when she saw that picture, it's as if you can hear him say "Come, breed with me." OYE.
Too bad he's with that plastic, collagenated, retrofitted, post-prima Barbie. Eh, he looks damn good, but that doesn't account for his taste.
Just re-watched Desperado, in preparation for Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Have once again proclaimed Antonio Banderas the hottest man alive.
As one of my good friends said when she saw that picture, it's as if you can hear him say "Come, breed with me." OYE.
Too bad he's with that plastic, collagenated, retrofitted, post-prima Barbie. Eh, he looks damn good, but that doesn't account for his taste.
9.03.2003
Trying desperately to block out co-worker's rantings on the phone about everything and everyone. If I lived her life, I'd have 15 ulcers by now. Oh, the drama!
Cubicle Truth #1: Everyone can hear you. Shut up. We don't care about your damn wedding.
Cubicle Truth #2: Harmony is key. When you have a door to shut, then you can rightfully piss people off.
Cubicle Truth #3: Backwards as it may seem, the more annoying you are in the cubicles, the longer you stay in them.
Therefore, I will suck it up and plan to be out in a year.
Cubicle Truth #1: Everyone can hear you. Shut up. We don't care about your damn wedding.
Cubicle Truth #2: Harmony is key. When you have a door to shut, then you can rightfully piss people off.
Cubicle Truth #3: Backwards as it may seem, the more annoying you are in the cubicles, the longer you stay in them.
Therefore, I will suck it up and plan to be out in a year.
